Strong-Willed Child, part 1

I have come to the conclusion that I am the parent of a "strong-willed child". I have met many other children D's age. He is much more extroverted, social, and independent than other kids. Even on the rare occasion that he cries for me, he only wants a quick squeeze to reassure him. If I scoop him up to comfort him, I get the baby wiggles, as if to say "geez mom, not in front of my friends!" If you have met me, you are not surprised I have produced such a child. If you had the "pleasure" of having to be around me as a small child (XOXO aunt shell, aunt dana, aunt jodi...) then I believe you're a throwing your head back and laughing at karma.

I have been struggling with him on some issues since he was about 15 months. A book was recommended to me, with an emphasis on biblical parenting. I WANT to raise my son with his heart open and ready for God, but I could not find much in this book that I could agree with, let alone implement. It left a bad taste in my mouth, and I sort of gave up on the idea of any more books. I set out to be consistent, patient, and more firm. Well, that's not working, or else I'm still lacking something with my parenting skills.

My friend's mom recommended Dr. Dobson's "The New Strong-Willed Child". I was resistant because of my experience with the other christian parenting book. This week I stopped making excuses. I can read it, and chose to disagree, no harm done. So far, I am pleasantly surprised (because the first book was so bad?). I have yet to delve in very far, but I have read enough to have an important change of heart:

D's strong will is not a bad thing. All kids have different temperaments, each with its own blessings. His strong will and his strong spirit are two different things. His will can be tamed without taking away his spirit, the things I love about him - his independence, humor, determination. That was sort of profound for me. I am hopeful and on my way to grateful - moving away from feeling like I'm the ONLY person whose child behaves like this.

I think it is very popular book, so as I get through it, I'll do a few posts with my 'review' and hopefully, in the end, I'll also have some positive results to share as well! If you've read the book - please leave a comment. If you think your little angel is strong-willed, I'd love to hear about that too!

Heading towards toddler bed triumph

If you happen to also be my friend on facebook, you may have been following our struggle to the toddler bed. Im not much for submersing myself if advice books and websites, but I did a little researching prior to committing to the toddler bed.


1) "Don't move the baby based on needing a crib. Many parents find it would have been easier to buy a new crib"

Oops. Daniel ate his crib. He also shook it so furiously, so many times, he stripped the screws and it was unsafe. I'm too poor to buy another (better constructed crib). Plus, the toddler bed I found on sale, with free shipping is TOO cute.

2) "Get your child excited about it"

He was REALLY excited, until he showed me how he was going to go "nigh nigh" and bashed his forehead off the headboard. Oops...again.

3) "wait until you child has the cognitive skills to understand the bed has imaginary boundaries"

Ummmm...isn't that what the guardrails are for? Plus, the words 'mummy, I understand the boundaries of this new sleeping arrangement' are not really in his vocab.

Well I guess I'm 0 for 3. I did however, have one thought that was my deciding factor. If I do it now, in the winter - it will be DARK during his bed time - and he wont be able to see his toys! Truly, I had hoped it'd be so dark, he wouldn't even be able to stumble out of bed - or if he did, he wouldn't be able to find the door. (is that messed up, or genius?)

The first night was pretty awful. He was overtired and had a bad attitude. The process was cry, leave bed, mom retrieves, repeat. Took about 40 minutes. He woke up between sleep cycles at midnight, and I had to return him to bed. Same thing 40 minutes later. To top it off, he was up at 630 a.m. (almost an hour early) and was not happy.

Tonight, I went into battle prepared. Bedtime routine started right on schedule. I dimmed the lights for his bath, and lit one of my spa candles. I put on the SPA music channel. Lavender sleepy time bubbles and shampoo, followed by the lavender bedtime lotion. In bed at 7 for stories. I was feeling optimistic when he even laid down to listen!

I used the supernanny technique to ease out of the room. I thought we did it, until the door clicked shut, and the crying began. After a few minutes, I realized its just the door completely shut that was freaking him out for some reason. This time I left it cracked. I just spent the last few minutes putting him in bed 5 or 6 more times - but it was all without a fuss. He would stand up, go to the door, I snapped my finger and pointed - and back to bed he went.

An hour later, he is in there, asleep. I'm going to hold off on closing the door though! Hope tomorrow works out just as well...I do work late, so I know the schedule will be a little off. Third time is a charm?

A lion in the bath

I finally broke down today and removed the Christmas decorations and the tree from our home. Daniel was in a good mood, and sort of happy to be left alone to toddle around and play while I worked. We had a few time outs for stories together and to play some "zoom zoom" (cars) but he spent a good portion of the morning entertaining himself - apparently by hiding objects around the apartment for me to find. Below is a list of what I have found so far. I have to charge up my camera to document these strange findings.

1) Stuffed lion in his bathtub
2) Keys in my boot (a favorite from when he first became mobile)
3) Ride on school bus, grocery cart, and push toy in my bathroom
4) Tupperware in my hamper
5) Baby lotion on the built in bookshelf
6) Tennis ball in the cat food self feeder (with the lid on, so it was a surprise)
7) Spoons (clean, must have been removed from dishwasher) in the pots and pans cupboard
8) Barney DVD shoved underneath the dvd player (probably trying to play it)

DRUM ROLL...MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE, AND THE FIRST THING I FOUND......

9) 2 bowling pins in the drawers underneath his bathroom sink.

I can't imagine exactly what he was thinking - except maybe he saw me shuffling about putting things away, and he was trying to imitate me. Whatever his plan was, it certainly made me laugh. Now he is sleeping soundly, and I am honestly thinking about hiding MY stuff in his toy bins as he sleeps - not sure, but the joke may be lost on him.

He was THAT kid...

(oops! From Jan 11 - forgot to post!)

We have all seen it - and most of us have stared. That kid in the store. The kid who is wailing and crying. The kid who you KNOW cannot be consoled. The kid that makes you remember to take your birth control. The kid that childless people whisper about, and other moms look at with a more knowing look. Today, the store was Super Target, and the kid, was mine....almost.

Daniel gets burned out after 4:30. He just wants to go home, play with his toys, eat, and sleep. I avoid errands on weeknights, because I know it will take endless energy on my part to make it a pleasant trip. Today I weighed the odds - do I take him to the store to get the milk (not a drop in the house) or do I roll the dice and try and put him to bed with Tang...You'd think it would be a no-brainer. Get the milk. BUT, Daniel woke up an hour early, was testy at daycare, and still had his diaper in a knot even after a 3 hour nap.

Starts off well - princess parking near the front. Holding hands to cross the parking lot. We had just hit the entry way when he asks for "Keh-Uh". Keh-Uh, is his beloved, disease-ridden stuffed monkey. Keh-uh doesn't usually go in to the store, because he only goes to daycare now for nap.

I explained that "keh-uh" was in the car, and he could have him after we got milk. He asked again, and again, but before I could say "no", he started to fly off the handle. I thought about going back, but we have been working to stop the tantrums he uses to try and get his way. It would have been an easy walk back to the car, but my desire for consistency on the tantrum issue won out. I dragged him out of the doorway, and back outside. I talked - he listened. He processed the info, then decided to cry and scream about it. There we stood, working it out, crying and screaming, outside of target. I was in the mommy-zone! I hear from behind me "good job mom!". I look up and some woman gives me the thumbs up. It took almost five minutes, but he dried up his tears, apologized to me, gave a kiss, and took my hand to proceed.

I was proud of myself for 1) getting him in the door and 2) staying calm and being cheerful with him after his little spell. He goes to investigate the motorized cart, and goes back into Gremlin mode when he is told no. Deep breath. This time, we found a nice little naughty corner by the oranges.

Making our way to the milk was no easy task. We made it up to the checkout line, when a nice woman with limited english tries to tell me my 'daughter' has stopped crying because I am no longer making 'her' stand out in the cold. Thanks lady-great insight. Then, in line the person who threw out the 'good job mom' went passed us. She smiled and waived, and said "you have to pick your battles, and win them when you do, right?" I just smiled and thought to myself how true that is.

The nice cashier gave me my stuff in two bags, so Daniel could carry one (which made him soooo happy!). We are walking out, hand in hand, with Daniel swinging his little bag, ear to ear smile. I guess we were the center of attention that day, because a third person stopped us on the way out - "He is so cute! I can't believe his so happy now after all that yelling by the oranges. Whatever you said it must have worked." I thanked her, and told Daniel to wave bye bye to her, and he obliged.

I left feeling sort of happy. How did these strangers know that I needed their words today? I don't live in a small-town - people will rarely even hold a door for you, let alone speak to you. Somehow though, my random stranger support group made my day :-) Maybe they knew that one dirty look would have redirected my mom-discipline into "Real Housewives of Atlanta" rage towards them....

A new cook in the kitchen...

My son suddenly has a new fascination with cooking. He has always followed me around the kitchen, usually getting underfoot, trying to climb into the dishwasher, getting out pots to bang on, etc. Recently he has been reaching and grunting for me to pick him up. I have been reinforcing 'words', so now I get "uh uh uh uh uh UP uh uh uh UP". At first I thought he just wanted me, or something on the counter, but after a few of these moments, I realized he wanted up to see what I was doing, and to help.

I got out our step stool, and he climbed up, thrilled to finally be at the counter. At first I just let him have a bowl of water and a spoon to play with. I mixed, he mixed. I tasted, he tasted. The next time, I let him help. We made chicken satay - and he stirred the sauce together with a mini whisk. So cute! Then he helped me wash the broccoli, shaking the colander under the running water.

Now, every time I cook, he wants the stool out. I have put a little set together of plastic utensils that he can get out of the lower cupboard himself. Today we made french toast. He helped beat the egg and soak the bread. He was not happy that he couldn't be at the stove, but he understands that its hot (I always say "not safe for Daniel", which he understands as something different than just "no", so I get less attitude from him). He moved aside and practiced flipping his pretend french toast safely away from the stove top.

In addition to the helping with the satay and french toast, Daniel has also been the 'sprinkler of oregano' on our garlic bread, 'stirrer of oatmeal', and 'cheese grating supervisor' (supervisor since I deemed that task also "not safe for Daniel").

I am charmed with his interest in big boy tasks - putting stuff in the trash can, unloading the dryer, unloading the dishwasher, and now cooking!

MAMA PASTA HOLIDAY FRENCH TOAST:

Beat 2 eggs together with about 1/8 cup of your favorite 'seasonal coffee creamer'. We love the gingerbread.

Fry in pan with butter ('tis the season!)

Use cookie cutter to cut them into Christmas trees or gingerbread men (we have tiny gingerbread men cookie cutters, and Daniel likes to dunk their heads in syrup)

Top with powdered sugar, or syrup, etc.