Baby's First Boo Boo

Above - the sympathy balloon!!!!

I guess I should be thankful I went 9 months and 10 days without having to kiss a single boo boo. I am VERY thankful that I was able to cure his first real boo boo with kisses (and a guilty purchase totaling $8.29.

Yesterday I took the baby out for a little adventure - lunch with Uncle Dave and Auntie "K" (thats Keri) and then had planned on spending some gift cards at the mall - I call it "free shopping".

Before heading out, we stopped at the grocery store. Daniel had fallen asleep in the car, so I gently scooped him out, made a bed in the grocery cart out of my jacket and his big blanket. He woke a little, but snuggled down to the corner and closed his eyes, content to just relax in the basket. I checked him a few times - out like a light. Then he startled awake, and quickly tried to sit up, and quickly fell back down, hitting his head pretty darn good on the cart.

The immediate silence before he cried scared the shit out of me. I quickly scooped him up and comforted him and he stopped crying immediately. It was little red, but didn't look horrific or anything. I moved him up to the seat and buckled him. As moved down the aisle, I reached behind his head to see if I felt a bump. WHen I brought my hand around, there was a drop of blood. Okay, a speck of blood. But really, ANY amount of blood would have sent me into the tizzy that followed. I panicked. WHat did I let happen to my baby! There was a scratch, almost an inch long, on the back of his head. I felt the blood drain from my head and for a second thought I would pass out. I panicked - I'm not going to lie. I flipped out, and ran back to the baby aisle, looking for some mom (preferably one smarter than me!) to assess our head boo boo. NOBODY! I'm still panicking, but the baby is laughing - probably had something to do with the speed at which I was pushing him through the store.

As I ran my options through my head (call doctor, call 911, go to urgent care, cry...) I realized there was a pharmacy isle. I headed over and busted open the Neosporin right off the shelf and slathered his head in it. Then I called Aunt Dana. I must have sounded really panicked because she kept asking me if the wound was gushing. "Gushing? No! It's not even bleeding," I said. Then came the laughter as she assured me he was fine. She had me put him the phone so she could ask him what happened. He listened intently, and when she asked if his head hurt, he shook his head 'no'. Good enough for me!

As we head towards check out, I feel like everybody is staring at the bad mom who's kid has a boo boo. I felt bad, so I thought I'd buy him a balloon. One of those impulse buys they put by the candy so your kid screams bloody murder until you buy them crap. He loved the balloon, and was smiling and pulling at it. It rang up over $8. I wanted to rip it out of his hand and steal one of those "buy one get one free balloons" I saw by the mac and cheese. But alas, he was all smiles, and if nothing else I felt better because I bought him a balloon.

As we headed out, people were still staring, but now there were staring because he was yelling and laughing and being super cute. (or maybe there were staring at the clumps of Neosporin globbed on his head)

PS-for any who thinks my balloon purchase will lead to a horrific baby-spoiling trend, I'll have you know this balloon has come in quite handy - he plays with it while we do diaper changes. YESSS!!! No poop on the carpet from a squirmy baby in 2 whole days!!!

Get me a camera crew...

Grab some coffee or cocoa, and settle in for this one! If you are very close to me (or related...even better!) you will appreciate this the most. However, if you are not, you will still enjoy this tale. This true, yet bizarre tale.

The title comes from a phrase my cousin Davey and I were constantly shouting two years ago. I was not yet a mama, and I was going through a rough time. Davey lived in the same town as me, and took it upon himself to drag me through this rough patch - creating the TRUE makings of reality television along the way. We had ambitions of being the next Anna Nicole show, sans drugs and fake boobies. In fact, I bought a video camera and we did document one of our big adventures during Spring Break. Since then I haven't often thought of my life as the type of drama you would see on FOX, but today, I kept thinking - "Get me a camera crew, because THIS is reality".

Let's set the scene. My mom, and her husband Bob were visiting from PA. This is especially fun because my father (as in, my mom's ex-husband) lives with me. Oh yeah, and my dad is weird. Very, very, weird. My mom, Bob, the baby, and I went out to get some lunch. We came home, and I went in to the house with the baby so I could have a free hand to help them into the house.
I hear this alarm-like beeping. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, pause. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, pause. Its sort of like the smoke alarms, but it seems to be coming from - the kitchen pantry?

I plop the baby in his play yard and begin my investigation. There, behind some cookbooks and my George Foreman Grill is a beeping Carbon Monoxide detector. I bought it in college when I moved into a townhouse with gas heat. I never had gas ANYTHING and I was convinced that every time I had a headache, I was dying of carbon monoxide poisoning. I attached it directly to the furnace in my first place :) When I moved, I was pissed off that we had to leave the washer and dryer, so I ripped it off the furnace in retribution and just tossed it in the pantry 2 years ago. I know, I know, the pantry???

So its beeping. I look at the codes and 4 beeps with a pause reads as follows:
"CO alarm. Leave the house. Get fresh air. Call 911"

I couldn't believe it. I pushed reset. 4 beeps and a pause. I still don't believe it. I check the code for battery. Green light and one beep. Shoot. I have a red light and four beeps. I look around for the really reliable CO detectors - my cats. There they were - perfectly alive. At this point, I still haven't decided what to do, but I knew I had to take the baby out. I took him out to the car for my mom and Bob to watch.

I decide to test the battery myself. So i took it out and stuck the 9 Volt on my tongue. Zap - it still had juice. I put the battery back in - BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP pause. Damn it! I decided that the rest of the directions fresh air, 911 blah blah blah were to extreme. I decided non emergency fire department would suffice. So I called, we chatted briefly. I told them about the living cats, and the 9 volt on my tongue (it retrospect, I think these were strange ways to justify my request for help....)

The nice fireman said to go outside, stay warm, yada yada. I reset the alarm one last time, and went in search of my dad. I found him, unfortunately. Shaving his face in his underwear with the door open. Cringe - I hate when he does that.

ME "Did you not hear that alarm"
DAD"Yeah"
ME "And...did you check it??? "
DAD "Well, it wasn't the smoke alarm, so, no"
ME "Its the CO alarm and I called the fireman and they said to get out. They're coming"
DAD (as he continues to shave, and not move) "OK"
ME (staring - cause he is not moving) "WELL GET OUT!"
DAD "yeah, yeah. Everybody's gotta die sometime"
ME "True, but your not dying in my house today. Get out."
DAD incoherent mumbling

Now that I have shuffled everyone out, I get that "unexpected company and the house is a mess panic". SHIT. Ughh. I really really hate that feeling. My mind is racing - "PRIORITIZE" I tell myself. I'm sure I have 10 minutes or less. I finally settle on the litter box. I'm sure they will have to go to the basement, and I didn't want it to smell like kitty poop. So, while the alarm is going off, and my entire family (mom, ex husband, new husband, and baby) are outside, I'm scooping poop and thinking what else I can do if I have time.

I decided that the litter box will have to suffice. I run out to check on the baby and I hear the fire engines.

"Oh my gosh! I can't believe they have the lights and sirens on!" I said. I felt like I had been perfectly clear that this wasn't an emergency...

My mom is laughing (and taking pictures) and I keep screaming how embarassed I am. The baby is loving it. Kicking his feet and squeeling.

The sirens get louder, and closer, and then they come around to my street. A ladder truck, another truck, and an ambulance - ALL WITH THE LIGHTS AND SIRENS ON. I'm mortified. My mom laughs harder, and takes more pictures on her camera phone. Now that the baby sees all the drama, he is absolutely enthralled.

I greet the fireman and we head towards the house. Then I see my dad. Leaning against the house, smoking.

ME "Don't smoke! What are you doing!?!?!?! Get away from the house - oxygen is flamable"
DAD "Nah CO isn't flamable"
FIREMAN "Um, sir, I believe she's reffering to the oxygen tank strapped to my back"
DAD Incoherent mubling again...shuffles off to his car.

He puts on his oxygen mask, and asks me to take him to my alarm. I look at him, waiting for my own puff of oxygen or something, but I just get the "ladies first" arm gesture. I show the fireman my alarm, and he confirms via radio to the guys outside we indeed have a positive alarm, but his sensor isn't beeping, so he removes the mask.

We start to walk through the house, and he says its okay for me to stay as long as HIS alarm doesn't start beeping. Suddenly BEEP BEEP. BEEP BEEP. I'm ready to run or for him to grab my arm and drag me out, but instead, he starts jumping up and down and sort of shaking his hips. "My personal alarm battery must be low". The tour went as follows. Walk, walk hop up and down to stop the alarm. Walk walk, hop up and down!!! Picture it, really...me and the hopping fireman. Jesus.

Now we are upstairs.

"Oh, the baby's room is cool," he says "You have a lot of room up here".

Whaaaa????? Glad you're enjoying the tour...find the CO leak asshole! Strange. This isn't the first time emergency personnel have commented on my house in times of crisis...

"Oh, you have upstairs laundry!? My girl friend would love that."

For REAL?!!? Is this happening? Its bad enough I'm leading this tour without a handy dandy oxygen tank, but, whatever- we can talk about my house!

We finish up the tour in the kitchen where I left the alarm sitting on the table, still beeping.

"Where do you keep this?" He asks.
"Oh, uh, I never put it up when we moved, i just let it sit here, by the recycling." Somehow, this seemed less lame than telling him I keep it behind the George Foreman.

After ripping apart my alarm again, the check battery light comes on, and the alarm stops. Doh! Doh! Doh!

"I did that too, you know. I even licked the battery." Great. I feel the urge to lie about where I keep it, but the words "I licked the battery" roll right out of my mouth.

He laughed a little and said not to worry, that it really was a "positive alarm". He assured me I would not be hauled off to jail or get yelled at by the fire chief on the other end of his radio. He then showered me with compliments for calling (and for NOT using 911). I even got a pat on the back for owning one of these alarms! He then did his civic duty and reviewed the symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning - headache, naseau, vomitting, flushed complexion, passing out...

So we go outside, where I see my mom has a pulled a minor "Brittney Spears" move. They drove down the drive way so the baby could see the fire trucks up close. He was grinning ear to ear at the lights and bustle of the fireman diconnecting the hoses from the fire hyrdant.

I give some information to the fireman, apologize for about the 100th time, and see them out the door. I was less embarassed by the time they left, but when I list the major facts and characters - its deserving of a camera crew:

Dad, in underwear
Smoking + oxygen tank
The jumping fireman
Poop scooping
Pantry alarm
Lick the battery

PS - an hour later, at the grocery store, my mom is calling everyone in the state of PA to tell them the story while we're in line at the deli. The woman in front of me turns around and says "Oh! That was you guys? I heard the sirens and saw the ladder truck go past my house! I was wondering where they were going with the ladder truck!"

My Beautiful Disaster

It was one of those days. One of those long days where things are so busy at work, I don't even have time to pee. I don't even REMEMBER to pee until my bladder is aching. One of those long days that entailed a trip home from work to get my baby love to bring him back to work (about 100 miles round trip).

I had a concert, and had to bring the baby. That morning I was still fishing for a sitter to watch him at school. Luckily (and, as usual) my friend Jenny came through for us. The baby was a little fussy, seeing as how he was confined to the music office and forced entertain himself with a handful of toys I keep in the car and some tupperware Jenny had in her purse (random, right?!). He was a little screamy, and I had to come to his a rescue a few times when I was supposed to be doing some last minute rehearsing. Finally he calmed down. He never quite made it out of the office to watch my concert, but he was happy playing and yelling with his Aunt Jenny.

After the concert I came running in to fetch my baby to show him off to all my students and their families - and there he was - my beautiful disaster. He was now naked, excpet for a slightly soggy diaper, and stained blue bib that reads "Chicks dig me". His little cheeks were super rosy, and drool ran down his face and belly all the way to his toes (sounds like a dreadful version of the night before Christmas....) He had some baby crust on his nose, and his natural mohawk was accentuated with a little bit of baby vomit he had run through his hair. For a half of a second, I was ALMOST MORTIFIED...I'm a dork and always pack matching "concert clothes" for him so he looks extra cute...and there he was, naked dirty, and a little stinky. Ok, noticibly stinky. But when he flashed his million dollar, zero toothed smile, I saw my gorgeous baby, my beautiful disaster. I scooped him up to show off. Not only did no one comment on the strange smell, but the seemed to enjoy seeing his little round baby belly and chubby little legs. Some parents took pictures. I hope I can get one to add to the post.

Poor Jenny took a real beating that night - he was a true handful, and she had come straight from work. Thank god she's easy to please - I repaid her with a mashed pototoes and a diet pepsi from KFC.

Movin' Movin'

I'm doomed. My baby is mobile. He had been crawling backwards since about Thanksgiving. I predicted he'd be crawling forward (the more dangerous kind of crawling) by New Years. He was a little later than I said. He crawled on Sunday January 4, 2009. You can also mark that as the last day I was ever productive.

Now that he can move, that is all he wants to do. Crawl, and head straight for things that he should not have. His new favorite activity is to craw to the kitchen chair, grab the lower rungs, and shake the chair across the floor and bang it against the table. For slightly safer fun, he enjoys being chased around the kitchen island. It so awesome to watch explore his world in a new way - to see the curiosity on his face when he sees something new. I think he loves watching me run and yell "NO" as he heads for the yet-to-be-baby-proofed electrical outlets.

Along with crawling came a very willful attitude. I guess he believes that since he can get to where he wants to go, he is entitle to do so at anytime, and to have anything he wants. He has been hot pursuit of my cell phone for weeks. He won yesterday when I went to the bathroom. His acid drool has destroyed my phone. So, today - wal mart for some baby food and outlet covers then the sprint store for a new phone...

Mom, this bottle sucks...

It seems like my baby goes through these quirky little 'transitions days'. I'm not sure if anybody else has experienced something like it, but I'd be interested to hear if you have. Its sort of like every 2 or 3 months, he takes 2 or 3 days to work me into a new routine, or pattern, or behavior. I find it hard to describe - I guess its sort of like merge lanes on the highway - a little transition between two paths. His first transition was when he went to sleeping through the night. Then we had a little transition phase when he started taking regular naps. Then we had a little phase when he weaned himself from breastfeeding and found great joy in holding his bottle, by himself, not even in my lap (that was a tough cookie to swallow!). We also went through a phase where he taught me he needed more physical play - mostly standing up time, jumping in my lap time, etc.

The good news is, I've learned to follow his lead. He's such a sweet and pleasant baby that when he gets fussy, I now know he's trying to cue me into something new that he wants/needs. The most recent one went as follows:

My baby loves to eat. Up until the past week or two, we had a really clear routine. 6 oz. formula, a little time to digest, then baby food. Repeat 3-4 times a day with an extra bottle before bed etc. Then I received the following baby communication that I needed to translate:

BABY: Cry like I'm hungry
MOM: Make bottle
BABY: Take two sips and throw that shit across the room. Yell.
MOM: Give baby the bottle
BABY: Take two more sips while growling, then throw bottle and yell. Loudly. Stare at mom like she's dumb.
MOM: Why is he looking at me funny while he yells? Maybe he wants me to hold him while he eats. I pick him up, offer bottle.
BABY: Push bottle away and do my "rapid roll" move to get to my belly to make my escape.
MOM: Hmm...I could have sworn that was his hungry cry...

No worries - we have it worked out. We used to start with a bottle then have baby food, but now we have it reversed and he's happily gorging himself on baby food. I think he's eating more solids than is expected for his age - but he is happy and well nourished and getting enough formula to get the iron and such he needs.

I wonder where our next "merge" will take us...

A boring holiday for a baby...

New Years isn't really a baby-friendly holiday. My son rang in 2009 by sleeping soundly. I guess the only benefit of being a baby on New Years is you don't have to eat hot dogs and sauerkraut.